Brain Wave

the other day, i had my annual medical and physical exam.  unable to submit a poop sample, i asked for a vial from the laboratory where i can place my poop the next time i’ll submit it.

when the medical technician handed the vial to me, she reminded me not to fill up the whole vial (about 150ml) and just place a thumb-sized poop — that’s all the poop they needed.  we both laughed then i left.

the poop and the vial somehow depict our lives:  we just love filling up our lives with hodgepodge of everything, unconsciously finding bliss when in fact we only need a thumb-size of it — the rest is purely shit.  hehe!

sometimes transitory scenes like this that we sometimes find baloney are worth pondering on…

Yesterday, Sunday, I was scheduled to work (oh well, as my optha puts it "ah, those pagan people!’).

I got to our building early and luckily bumped in to one of my coleagues who also was about to go in. Together, we rode the elevator which was still going down basement 3. When it went back up the lower ground, it opened to our other coleague. So we were now three inside the elevator, quite boisterously chatting with each other. The monitor already was displaying the floors it was passing through. Suddenly, the door opened and we were back at the lower ground. We were so shocked since the only floor we pressed was 27th and we were the only ones in there — it’s impossible!

We were quite alarmed by what happened but we just closed the doors and pressed 27th floor again — pretended nothing happened. But one of my 2 coleagues was already panic-stricken, the other one was just laughing it out, as for me, it just bothered me a bit… a bit lang… hehe!

When we’re about to reach 27th floor my panic-stricken officemate blurted out loud "ah basta bababa na ko sa 27th!" It was like a cue for the elevator! It suddenly stopped, the lights went out, and the door did’t open. OMG!!! We were stuck inside!!! Wahhhhh!!!! I could never believe it was happening!!!!

So there, we started shouting! The fact that we were up there hanging, plus the darkness scared me — we had no idea what was going on — we were secluded. I tried to press the alarm on the left side but it was defective. We were screaming, laughing… One of my officemates pressed the alarm on the right side — and there, one of the operators responded. We started screaming "Kuya na-stuck kami!!!", "Anung nangyari?!" , "waaahhhh", etc….. and they responded in a quite frightening voice "Ma’am, nag-shutdown lang po!" When we heard that, the more we panicked. SHUTDOWN??! What do you mean SHUTDOWN?! Does this mean there’s a possibility the elevator would fall down (they say our building is well known for such incident)?!?!

Probably irked by our earsplitting voices, the operator screamed, “Ma’am, wag po kayong mag-panic!! Wag po mag-panic!” Like hello?!?! Kung yan ang nauna mong sinabi at hindi “nag-shutdown!” in a quite frightful voice, we would have not panicked that much NOH!!!! Haler?!!?

It was hot as hell inside. The incident lasted for about 10 mins or more. There were exchange of knocks between us and our company guards and our seniors making sure we were okay.

Then the lights opened. In a matter of seconds, the doors opened. I was relieved to see quite a number of our staff and seniors waiting for us to come out the elevator.

Whew! What an experience!

Lessons learned: Stay alert anytime and anywhere, and choose your words…ALL THE TIME! Wag gumaya kay manong operator! I-shutdown ko siya dyan eh! If you can’t say anything good, just SHUT your mouth! Less talk, less injury!

for the past few weeks i’ve started to regret my decision of ditching that job opportunity in dubai.  i turned to a lot of interim diversions to console that pang of guilt…  oh well, that’s life… i probably am not for the gulf.

one morning while having an early lunch with my officemate, carol, out of the blue i opened up about the employment procedure for dietitians in canada that i’ve browsed on the net since i have encountered a fraud Canadian employer whom we both want to counter-fraud but don’t know how… and then in passing, i’ve mentioned about the masteral degree requirement for foreign applicants for that country.  she suddenly remembered my application for the UP Grad School and asked me how it was… oh boy!  i totally forgot about it!  since i thought i’ll never gonna make it because of some demanding undergrad grade requirement etc. etc. — i forgot everything about it after passing my academic requirements to them. 

the afternoon of the same day, i received a txt message from my mom telling me that UP called and i am scheduled for interview 4th of May.  My GOd!!! is this for real?! then it was postponed and was rescheduled on the 11th… thank goodness!!! good thing it was moved because i have no idea or whatsoever on what they’ll be asking in there—would it be a 1 1/2 hour revalida or a plain tete-a-tete with the panel.  i was getting frantic about it and have slept for only a few hours days before the interview.

11th was a friday.  wednesday of that week i had a severe dysmenorrhea followed by diarrhea (sorry, i had to put it this way –can’t find a better medical term for this)…i went to the office late, stayed there for roughly 3 hours then i had to ask permission from our country manager to go home since i really can’t tolerate the pain.  the next day, i was ok, came in for work, but i can’t concentrate on what i’m doing….i was a total wreck!  when i came home from work it dawn unto me that it’s the night before the interview ——-huhu!!! i stayed in my room for half an hour to weep my nerves out —-coz nobody can seem to help!  at that point i had no idea if these were good or bad omens.

8:30AM, 11-May-2007, UP-CHE

My hands were moist with perspiration, my temperature’s rising, i can feel perspirations setting on my occipital region - dropping down to my temporals.  my heartbeat’s rising probably above the normal bps.  i had butterflies and dragonflies in my stomach!  we were 6 applicants to be interviewed.  for almost an hour of waiting, we’ve all became friends.  there’s cath, a good friend/batchmate of mine from ust who was also our dorm mate during the time we had our internship at ust hospital.  the other one was julie ann, a UP batch ‘98 alumna whom i’ve worked with in nestle wellness program — she was actually the one who taught me how to get to where i was assigned in marikina.  the early bird, glenda, an accounting graduate who really really would like to take up MSN instead of MBA.  and there’s juvi, a UP batch ‘06 alumna who works in an NGO called "abot kamay foundation" whom i think is serious but fun.  then marilyn, a mother of 2 and is currently working with nesvita.  there….i felt quite relieved conversing with these people and we were already hoping that we’ll all get in —–the more the merrier, we thought! :Þ

and so, the interview started…. first in line was glenda, then me, cath, julie ann, juvie, and marilyn.  the supposedly panel interview became a one on one interview with Dr. Veritas Luna, chair of food science and nutrition.  what i expected as a revalida interview became a highly conversational dialogue —almost informal.  i was asked about myself, my work, the field of study i’d like to pursue.  she was looking for my teaching experience (which i don’t have yet) and then she asked me if i’d like to teach –teach in st. scho and i said "very much! i look forward to it!"  i chuckled when she answered "yes, you teach. you could help ms. esteng (my clinical nutrition professor) and ms. tanchoco (our dept. head in st. scho)"  i told her that it’s one of the reasons why i applied for MSN –to teach.  after almost an hour of conversation, these are the sweetest words i think i would never ever forget: "Ok Tiffany, we’re accepting you as our regular MSN student.  Congratulations.  Just wait for your letter…it will be ready by next week.  Please come by to pick it up….. I believe you’d like to sports nutrition to be your major — i’ll be assigning an academic adviser for you.  You will discuss your curriculum with her and you’ll tell her whether you’ll be coming in as a part-time or full-time student…. — she’ll be the one to suggest which courses would be helpful for your major and then you may also be getting units from the College of Human Kinetics (which i’d really love to!!!).  But you have to maintain a grade of 2 (oh boy! kakayanin po!)  Alright, congratulations!"  Waaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!  WHEHW!!!!!

from 6, we were trimmed down to three… and i am the only non-UP graduate…….both an advantage and disadvantage—- scary……

it’s already been 2 days since the interview and i still feel like i’m in cloud 9!!! :Þ  this is the best! ever!!!  now i’ll start to fly UP UP UP and not away but i’ll always stay grounded.  now i know i’m here to serve — with this big option given (that i’ve dreamed of), i opt not add up to our country’s "brain-drain" crisis! :Þ   besides, here, other than grad school, i have koine… it’s more than enough.

i guess i’ll be one with Lean in singing UP Naming Mahal now! hehe! :Þ

God is good!!! :Þ  i can’t stop smiling! :Þ

4/9/2007, monday

it’s my off from work.  well, i should have gone somewhere this day… grrrrrr……

4/10/2007, tuesday

got to watch "stomp the yard" @ greenbelt with direq niel, darren, and sarah.  i really wanted to watch this film but didn’t know when it was to be shown.  good thing we’re scheduled to have a mtg that night @ koine admin for the scholars’ workshops - then direq invited us to watch and have our mtg @ greenbelt instead… haha — because we’re running late for the movie sched, we watched first then had our dinner/mtg at around 12mn @ Bubba Gump.  kewl! :Þ  as always, I LEARNED A LOT that night… how koine started out, the lives of each remarkable scholars, their mis/adventures in the mission stations, the life of Trankilyo (i hope i spelled that right), the breakdance grooves: clowning and crumping, and i should try to watch anime…hehe and so much more!  i definitely had a blast that night.

4/11/2007, wednesday

oh what a day. i got a call from an agency who happened to see my resume at some job website.  i was asked to come to their office for an interview at noon the next day for a nutritionist position for a fitness company abroad.  OMG! is this for real?  i discussed this among my team - expectedly, they pushed me to go to the interview.  my gulay, i will be absent for Nth time!  no more paid leaves for the first quarter for me… hay… wat a hay, there’s no harm in trying… the agency was asking for RND referrals so i sent them RND’s i know who might be interested.

4/12/2007, thursday

this is it! i am absent for the interview.  i met my friend dang (whom i’ve worked with in Nestle Wellness) at r.galeria then we went straight to the agency which is situated beside her office’s building — she didn’t come to work either so she was covering her face with her hair while we were crossing the street. haha!

the interview was supposed to start at 1pm, we were asked to come at 12nn for the exam briefing.  at 1pm, the interview hasn’t started yet.  there were 10 RND’s for interview that day, plus me… so that makes us 11.   since the interviewer hasn’t arrived yet, we had our (quite heavier than board) exams first together with the PTRP’s who were also invited for interview for Personal Trainer position.  at 2pm, we’re done with our exams. still, the interviewer’s not in yet.  she came in around 3pm…finally!!! i was 2nd to the last to be interviewed — when it was my turn, the interviewer (who was also a dietitian) seemed to be already in a hurry. 

4/13/2007, friday

still had a hangover of what happened yesterday… i was hoping but not expecting to receive a call from the agency.

at around 3 or 4pm, as i was holding my cellphone (for no reason), a familiar landline number was blinking in my cellphone screen… goodness, it’s the agency… i passed! and i am asked to come tomorrow noon for final interview with employer/owner of the company at crowne plaza hotel. Man, it’s too fast!  they said it’s for immediate employment that’s why it’s fast.

the first thing that entered my mind was the scholars’ workshop the next day…….where i am the track coordinator for music……. my gulay!  right there and then, the first thing i did was txt direq, and inform my mom that i passed.

4/14/2007, saturday

lampaso day!

got up early in the morning to go to admu before 9am to observe how things flow in track coordinating and to give to the scholar who will be track coordinating (on my behalf) on the classes where i won’t be around (because of the interview).

by 11am i left admu to go to shangri-la mall to change into my "corporate costume" then went to the agency (mtg place).  i was surprised to find out that only 3 RND’s were chosen. well anyway, we’re supposed to go to crowne together by car or something but because there was a problem with the driver or the route or whatever, we walked from julia vargas ext. to crowne! good lord!!! mind you, i had blisters on my pinky toes from the previous day — and it’s getting worse because of this walking idea! arrrrghhhhhh!

so we arrived at crowne (thank god!).  we were told that interview will start at 1pm… again, there had been problems in terms of room reservations etcetera, etcetera, to cut the long story short, we started at 2pm (when i’m supposed to be back at admu already for my next class……grrrrrrr……. damn! nice time management huh!).  they let all the PT to go first… darn! 

then it’s my turn — you can easily spot the employer in the room except for he’s the only one in the meeting room, he’s also the only dark matter in it —– hey, hey, hey, don’t get me wrong… i’m just being honest. the interview went well although i don’t think i impressed him that much especially when he asked me "why do we need nutritionists for when there’s already softwares in the internet where you can enter ur vital stats then after a few minutes, u get your diet plan."  i was quite irated by his question and the way he delivered it….. i answered him (in an irate tone):  "we sir, technology has its own flaws… it’s not that intelligent… it can only give you the basics… and i’m definitely sure, the diet you get is the same as those who gets their diet from that site. we were trained to compute your diet based on your needs and we can also do substitutions… say there’s one food item written in that diet you got from the site that you can’t meet because either you’re allergic to it or it’s not readily available, we can give you substitutes based on your need and your lifestyle.  also, if you have, say, diabetes, we can also alter your diet for your specific health needs…."  — haha! belat!

i wish being a kid again…

flying kites, running restlessly in the park,

worry-free and careless by all means

i want to experience everything for the first time again…

blowing my first birthday candle,

tittering my first babble, or even crying my first tear

Two weeks ago… or shall I say, few months ago I lent somebody one of my valued books.  It was a short inspirational non-fiction book that can be finished in one sitting or maybe a few days.  Weeks passed and this person hasn’t returned it yet and then she seemed to avoid me in the office already.  I was bothered by this so naturally, I approached her to have a little chit-chat.  Eventually, she opened the issue about my book.  So she started explaining… yodel, yodel, yodel…. Bottom line of what she said was, she hasn’t finished reading it yet.  Doubtfully, I said it was okay and emphasized to-return-it-once-she’s-done.  Since my team would be transferred to another floor the following working day, I asked a friend (who’s on the same floor as her) to take care of it first when she returns it. 

After a few days it was settled.  My friend already had the book.  I was about to get it from him when he asked me if he can borrow it since he had already started to read it.  It was fine with me… I actually wanted him read it since its really good.

Several weeks later he still hasn’t given it back.  I understood he was busy blah, blah, blah, and it might have slipped his mind so I reminded him.  He promised to drop it off my station on his free time.  It took him another couple of weeks and countless promises before I got it back….. Finally!

Happy to have received my book that I haven’t seen for a while, I checked every part and pages of it.  I was enraged to see that some of the pages were falling off from the cover, and there were liquid stains (which I believe was from food) on the edges of my book…  Aaarrrrggghhhhh!!!

I’m not being so possessive.  But you see, it was so neat, no scratch, and intact when I lent it to them.  Secondly, it’s my prized book!  Ugh!  What added to my outrage was, neither one of them went up to me or even tried to approach me to inform about my book’s condition then (it’s mine… I have the right to know).  Well, I don’t’ know who’s to blame though coz I’m not sure whose freakin’ hands (between the two rogues) did it to my book.  Arrgghhh!

What am I trying to point out?  People these days think of themselves as “all-knowing beings.”  Most of them tend to — look at “it” not through “it.”  Probably if I open this to those guys they’d look at me as if I’m speaking Greek!  They’d think of me as a shallow-Hal.  But what they didn’t consider in the situation were these:

-         A person lending them something they were borrowing must mean that the owner who lent it is also giving his/her trust to the borrower that he/she would take care of the property. 

-         Handling something that isn’t yours should be managed with extra care.  Neither of them considered how I’d feel if they’ll return the book to me that way.  If it was an EQ test, they would have flunked it!

-         How they handle things especially borrowed stuff is a reflection of their personality and who they are in our society.  Do you get what I mean?

Arrrggghhhh!  It’s both irritating and frustrating to find out that our world doesn’t seem to run out of people who abuse trust!

           The other day I watched this film called “Talladega Nights.”  I honestly didn’t want to watch it at first since I’m not that fond of Will Ferrell, plus their ads somewhat insinuates that I will be watching a car race movie (uugghhh!  I’d rather watch the animated movie “Cars” again and again!).  But my companion, who happened to be his fan, swayed and assured me that we’ll both enjoy it.  Then I thought, what a heck, It’s just a movie, it’ll not bite.

            So there I was, watching… waiting for a sardonically slapstick scene so I can whisper “ang funny!” sarcastically to my companion… you know what it implies, don’t you?  But for the whole duration of the film, I was either laughing or reflecting (as always!).  Laughing at the scenes I thought was silly, and the casts’ hilarious performance.  However, those silly scenes were amazingly worth pondering on.  Like for instance, there’s this scene where Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) in one of his classroom activity back in grade school, met his father who came from nowhere after 10 years.  After an unusual misunderstanding between his father and his teacher, his father was kicked out of the premises.  Before leaving, he left his son with an indelible quote of his: “if you’re not first, you’re last.”  As the usual motion picture goes: Ricky Bobby grew up, then due to unforeseen strange circumstances he became the fastest car racer in America, earned millions, got married, had kids, eventually ended up with a divorce that led to his wealth and career loss.  Through it all, his guiding light was that very quote his father left him.  Until such time he met his father again whom he allowed to help him overcome his fear of driving caused by a trauma during one of his race, and win back his title as the number one car racer in America.  Not for long, he was able to conquer that fear.  Over a dinner with his sons, mother, and father, celebrating his “rebirth” his father suddenly turned sore.  Ruining a good occasion has been his habit.  So once again, he was sent out of the restaurant by force.  Ricky and his dad ended up on the street, exchanging spiteful words against each other.  Then finally his father told him that he didn’t know what he was talking about because he was too high on drugs during the time he left him that thought/quote to ponder on for how many years!  At that point, Ricky suddenly became confused, trying to find out what he’ll do next or where he’s going to.  But he went on as planned.  He went back on track and raced.  However, he and his direct contender (enemy is the word) were disqualified and his buddy, whom he never gave the chance to win, got the title he came back for.  Instead of leaving the arena in regret, he went up to his opponent to make up (…quite disgustingly), and recognized his best buddy as the champion.  After accepting his defeat, he told his father who was waiting outside, “I did not win but I am still proud because when I was out there, I know I acted maturely.”

            After the movie I felt the opposite of what I pre-empt before I went in the movie house.  It wasn’t that bad after all.  It was actually in that movie where I realized that there are a lot of remarkable inspirations waiting for us to be uncovered.  Most of which are wrapped in small, unattractive packaging.  In my case, it was parceled up in a movie with a lead cast whom I am not so much of a fan of, and ornamented by a poster ad that I would rather criticize than keep.  It doesn’t always have to be grand!

          In my existence, there were a lot of incidents that struck me and then eventually drove me to do some things that are sometimes unusual for me to do.  But this is very seldom.  Most of the time, it takes tons and tons of apprehension and/or effort for me to be enthused.  Just this Tuesday, I think I had a taste of it after quite a while, when I witnessed a burst of outrage of a prolific persona that left me in awe… until now. 

          It all happened during a rehearsal.  Things were running smoothly: the cast were attentively listening to the director, all the four ladies with the same role as the one being rehearsed were carefully and patiently watching and observing every blocking and treatment of every dialogue, and the set was complete with all the props.  After the lady that was being observed by the rest was done rehearsing, the four ladies had their turns of familiarizing themselves with the set, props, and blockings.  Everyone was in good mood.  The director was pouring his theatrical erudition to stimulate each actors’ motivation as to the actors impart to him and the rest their knowledge on their forte on other matters (since they have different professions), until the director got pissed-off by the lady.  She was about to go out, waving goodbye to the director, thinking she was already dismissed since she’s done rehearsing already.   The director told her that she should have told him that she’s leaving already, but then she didn’t.  To justify her actions she told him in a polite way that she did ask permission to leave and maybe he just didn’t hear it.  That time, I already felt his rage especially when he verbalized: “… nakataas na kilay ko!”  He started firing up.  He was fuming from his toes up to the tips of his fingers, then to his temporal lobes.  Without exaggeration, his muscles and veins were already protruding on his thoracic area and even on his arms up to the point I feared aneurysm might strike him.  It seems that I could never forget his very image and aura of the event because it was then I heard a lot of things (although not intended for me) that made me think until now.

-         Never blame anybody else for your shortcomings.  The least you can do is say sorry and make up for it.  And when you say sorry, don’t do it again even if you didn’t say, “I’ll never do it again.”  Accepting your mistake is the precursor to taking responsibility of your life.

-         Airplanes fly high towards the direction they’re going, and trains speed off to places because they have tracks, they follow a route…  People shun out from these tracks because they feared that their freedom might be stripped off from them… they fail to achieve what they’ve aspired for because they’re protecting their freedom… but FREEDOM IS NOT ABSOLUTE! 

-         We can never change our position in life… but we can change our disposition.

-         If you feel bad about yourself, do something about it.  Don’t stick with it.

-         There are many people who hungers and are suffering in Ethiopia… consider yourself lucky to be here!

Those were just some of the things I remembered (too bad I didn’t have ultrasonic memory).  They’re short and snappy, simple but very applicable.  It probably dawn on me because those were the things I needed at the moment.

          At that time, the actress (the lady) was crying her heart out.  There’s nothing more left for her to say since most of what were said were too personal and direct (since some issues from her past and present productions were brought up).  Tears just kept on falling on her cheeks, her head stayed drooped because of guilt and shame.  But my approbation to the whole thing especially to the director did not end there.  What happened after the burst of rage bumped up my regard to him.  Few minutes after a long pause, the director approached his actress, sat beside her and asked for forgiveness.  The phrase I heard him say was “I’m sorry for how I acted.  I didn’t do it to make you feel bad about yourself…  I want you to learn…  We care about you here but you don’t care about yourself…”  The mere thought of somebody so prolific and highly regarded individual as him, sincerely asking for apology to his subordinate, accepting her for what she is, giving her chance, and not letting her go astray, moved me and almost made me burst into tears.  As shown on this occurence, he has intense connection with his actors, that he almost knows how they breath and how they’d react on things; that made him know so well how he’ll mould them not just to become a good actor/actress on-stage but a beautiful person off-stage.

Father Flynn:  You are a member of the religious order.  You have taken vows, obedience being one of them.  You answer to us.  You have no right to step out of the church.

Sister Aloysius:  I will step outside the church if that’s what needs to be done nor the door should shut behind me.  I would do what needs to be done Father, if it means I’m damned to hell.  Now, did you give Donald Muller wine to drink?

Father Flynn:  Have you never done anything wrong?

Sister Aloysius:  I have.

Father Flynn:  The mortal sin?

Sister Aloysius:  Yes.

Father Flynn:  And?

Sister Aloysius:  I can fix it!